You Live Your Life & I Will Live My Life
I am not hurting anyone with my actions, but yet some people enjoy voicing their opinions that what I am doing is not good enough or going to get me anywhere in life. Like my life needs to planned out to every event in life.. why? Why does it matter what I want to do? IS IT WORTH IT?
+ People should stop worrying about me & focus on themselves
+ Stay out of my business if I am not posting it to the public
+ Let me concentrate on things that make sense to me / music & art
+ Stop telling me to prioritize my life when I am doing the very best that I can with what I have to deal with
“Just a disclaimer: before you continue reading: I am not out all the time having fun at concerts & blowing money on random things. I work in the music industry as an online promoter & interactive designer. I graphically design images for social media sites & share them using online promotion. When I attend these events, I take pictures to upload to every social media platform. I am good at what I do & people enjoy watching / reading my posts in real time.”
My friends, who know me better than anyone in this world, are very much aware of the amount of obstacles that I tackle on a daily basis. From daily medical bills sent to my home, fighting with my health insurance caseworkers, working out my debt with financial aid and trying to successful graduate within 3 weeks — find a job, move to Metro Detroit & deal with my problems.. yet I am still bossin” it like there is nothing to lose whenever everything is up for losing. If I can’t do this lifestyle; who else can hold it down? Meh. .. I’d love to meet em, if you know someone.
Income is limited
I am only allocated to work 20 hours per week on campus, because I have a student position even though I am a supervisor. I have 5 -classes, yikes, and commute to Grand Rapids for one of my classes. If you do the math — 5 classes = 17 credits / 20 hours of work per week / 3 hour lab with 1 hour commute to GR – twice a week // that leaves pretty much zero time to breath or sleep. I freelance some side jobs using my design business to stay out of the red; which seems almost impossible these days. I wonder if anyone else has a life which struggles from paycheck to paycheck & hardly survive $5 to my name. Money doesn’t matter to me. I don’t work to make all the money in the world. I work to pay the bills but the difference is — the work that I do is FUN & ENJOYABLE.. I swear, I think some people are so full of themselves that they forget what “fun” is.
I met a new friend at the BOB in Grand Rapids on Friday evening. He told me that he could tell that I am going places because people who are more sociable & out-going using get more attention in the workplace. I think this guy is absolutely correct. I voice my opinion when it is needed; and art & music — that’s a very big & hard industry to tackle. I am doing a pretty good job to get my name out there.
I want my future to be full of some things that I actually love to do.. designing, printing, music, dancing, socializing.. All of those things are SWEETNESS to me.. and I refuse to cut out things that make me happy because I need these things to feel sane; like nothing is actually wrong. Maybe one day I will find the perfect job that will let me do all of those things & travel the world. Yep.. I see it now.. If you see your future; it will happen.. just gotta keep looking ahead even when it feels like nothing is left for you.
I live for today and worry about the future .. well never. Don’t we live in the future? Why worry about that sh*t.
I’m stressed as it is.. I don’t need the extra stress chilling on my shoulders.
And people think that I don’t have a plan…
I live off my little orange journal writing notes & deadlines across the top of each page. I have 20 some different lifestyles going on that cater to different communities (personalities, people, demographics). Don’t think that I am out there just throwing myself at something & see if it sticks.. That’s not the case. I am a person who needs to meet a bunch of different people. My energy blossoms when I am surrounded by hundred/thousand/millions of people. I really need to get out of this country town & into the city life. I am holding back but I love my friends, school and all that jazz — but I am seriously ready to live again.
When I am planning to move or work somewhere; I plan at least 6 months in advance. I spend a few hours a night researching different companies that I think would be a good place to utilize my skillset of interactive media.
You think that I am being interviewed? you should hear the questions that I ask the businesses when I reach out. Trust.. I am a go-getter. I go — & get.. everything that matters the most to me.
Michigan needs to step up
I honestly think the State of Michigan is holding me back from anything / everything that I want to do. I had my health insurance wrongfully removed in December 2013; you don’t even want me to start on why it was removed. After battling multiple caseworkers from Department of Human Services, Medicaid, the State of Michigan government; I was supposedly reinstated on March 31st in retroactive status. Retroactive status means that the insurance company will pay for 3 months past the prior of application including prescriptions, medical bills & treatments. The medical bills are piling to the ceiling & the health insurance isn’t showing up still. I am sick of calling these people because I spend hours on the phone or get voice messages.
Sometimes, I think it might be easier to give up. But than I think about all the people who are cheering me on. The people who I make a difference for.. the life I live is making a difference to people who are also struggling. Michigan needs to step up and take care of its people. I can only advocate for so much but I am getting extremely annoyed with the process of getting assistance. It’s not like I am living off the government, job less and popping out children to get food stamps. I contribute to my state, I work, go to school and take care of business. Geez, I wish people would just take the time t listen to what I have to say because I can really open your mind to thinking about other important things in life.
Where is all this coming from?
When I was younger, high school days, I had to see a counselor a few times a week. I went to two different counselors because my mind was completely fu**ed. And I still think I am mind-fucked. It will never change; medicine/doctors/therapy ; nothing will change the thoughts that run thru my head making me feel like I am a crazy person. Counseling just makes you realize there are things going on in your life & that you need to face your fears. I refuse to think about the things that are going on my life; maybe I am in denial that I have so many problems BUT its whatever; im doing it anyway.
I rely on art & music to keep my world together. I listen to music ALL the time; literally in the shower, driving to school/work, while I am at work, when I am doing my homework, cleaning around the house .. there is always some tunes going on in the back ground. I don’t care for television or movies; I like my tunes. You can dance when you hear music. Doesn’t it just feel good to let your body move around? Well I think it does.. and I go to many concerts and shows every month because I LOVE TO DANCE! I just flay my arms around & move around with one crutch. Ladies will compliment my dance moves and I kinda laugh because I’m really not that good; I just move my body to the beat. I’m really excited for this summer, music festivals in MICHIGAN are the best!
I have a lot of life ahead of me & I am not ready to leave this world so that my family has to deal with all my medical debt. I will take care of it; like I take care of everything else in this life. I just wish people would open their mind & stop being so reluctant to people who have differences. This is my lifestyle, so please remember to follow your dreams before judging mine.
