The pandemic has changed my perception on how I want to spend the rest of my life & whom to spend these next lifetimes with. My soul has been awakened; the awareness is almost shivering. I’ve been strict yet focused on where I share my energy and how much time that I spend out in public (socializing).I will always remain as independent as possible by taking care of my responsibilities & behavior patterns for my happiness. As an artist; life tends to be more risky and dependent on marketing yourself and skillset to make earnings. I am moving so quickly during the day; that adding another layer of activity would throw off my goals. I wake up determined as I’m living out my fantasy as a creator of abstract artwork; throwing paint and sharing my stories. I organize my minutes, hours, days, months and years; thinking ahead of the curve on where I should be & how to get there! My perception of sharing time and energy has been flipped 180degrees as I’m blossoming into a beautiful babe.
I’ve closed my heart during the world pandemic as I saw first hand how cruel humans can become as they live in fear. I became a solo individual because I chose to be independent. I know that my commitment issues will pull me into thousands of directions that will just consume my energy, time and money; all three things that I have no desire to toss away. I like handling my responsibilities without being dependent for someone else to care for them. My pattern in relationships has been stuck on a repeat cycle; as I refurbish the same energy into the next person of choice by habit. It’s a terrible trait where I am seeking constant attention from multiple persons orbiting in my headspace. I like attention; that’s my adrenaline fixation. I am lucky, blessed and grateful that my confidence naturally attracts people around me. Strangers enjoy speaking to me; I never feel alone.
I can’t say that I will always be like this. The moment when my heart is aligned for pure intentions; those feelings will call whomever time traveler feels my love from billions of light years away. When it’s time to set the standard for true love; time / money and energy won’t matter at that point – because when our orbits align perfectly no bullshit will get in our way. I am looking for my Knight; and I am willing to wait until the end of time for him to find me. It’s been awhile since anyone has caught my attention, and I’m content with that because I should never give myself to just anyone.
Here I am, pictured lost in a sea of broken souls drifting towards the same thing that they think will make them happy. When my wounds heal as my tears dry; my heart will be solid and unbreakable.
48″ x 60″ // Non-Toxic Acrylic on Refurbished Canvas
Creating Behind The Scenes