Melissa DiVietri – Detroiter
TEDxDETROIT – Nov 6
Being one of a kind is what stands us apart; … right?
By having some physical difference or unique look is how we, as people’ can leverage to earn opportunities.
For awhile, I wasn’t sure why people would look at me so strangely.. with a kink in their neck or a twinkle in their eye. My confidence attracts a lot of attention but there are some emotions that left me dazed & confused. I felt quite ashamed of who I am for most of my life; because of what I look like. I was afraid to look into peoples eyes; confidence didn’t develop until over time when I grew into my skin.
Id ask my mom, “why do people stare at me?” – she replied ‘because your beautiful’ – I became more sensitive to where I placed my “eyes” the power of non verbal communications right?
Now I work in an industry where your profile picture identifies the “type of person that you are” social media marketing.. where you can create any type of lifestyle of your dreams online.. because SMM is a digital world.
I try to express to people; “You are just a body that floats in between rooms;
this and this – is what sets you apart as an individual. What I learned over time; besides that you age like wine – life only gets better. Wisdom… Power.. Control. Your mind is its own power; you can create global networks around the world using communication platforms; why should one bit matter that I have a physical difference? Why should what you look ,, mean a damn thing?
There’s a lot of opportunity when you look at people; & really look at them. .. actually seeing them for the first time… it’s incredible; lil galaxies in people’s eyes. Wondering if the moment was real… or if you forced your manifestation to make it.
When you have a strong sense of emotional intelligence, you know what it means to be empathetic and your humble to what other people are going through. You’re probably looking at me and maybe thinking she could’ve been in a car accident or she had something wrong at birth… but no; this has steamed on years of drug abuse, domestic violence and addition. I’m a living, breathing, God sent gift that is teaching lessons just by being present and confident in my own skin. People remember me their whole lives because of my unique body shape.
I really had to let my guard down to be here today because this is a challenging story, its personal. there’s good meaning that is hiding behind right here. Those lights that you’re shining in people’s eyeballs.
… but listen, I want to give up and be done — and start a new life over. Before I arrive to my cowork space, internet cafe or hang out — I’m already exhausted, my body is so tired.
Emotional intelligence is about being aware of your feelings and the feelings of other people. So many times we go through our days we were just in motion, the waves of the routine. We are so comfortable with what we’re doing & how we are doing it- we forget empathy and being grateful and humble that we have a roof over our heads; most of us we have food to eat ; most of us we have a job we have income coming in but what about those around us who are not as grateful to remember how lucky we all are to be alive.
I’ve had 14 surgeries and many of them are reconstructing organs in the inside making them into things with my other organs because I’m missing my sacral so lots of things were not Sabella and there are a lot of things that I think are unfair about life but I also feel there are many incredible things that you learn about people because I went through this I should tell somebody else how to get through this I can give people motivated that you know what I went through that too really really stressful for I did it you can do it.
Emotion intelligence is being able to look into peoples eyes and seeing the light, what I mean by that is you know when you meet someone that they have been through the ringer because of how they look at you, your eyes can tell so much about you these nine verbal cues. I think that’s why God has blessed me with big ASS BLUE-ish clear / angel eyes because people get trapped when they look at me …. they just see a galaxy there’s a beauty behind the skin.
They see the lights. They see the layers and layers of the onion I called myself and they are inspired and they are motivated just by looking here maybe here but mostly here
I try to remind myself that we are all old souls, which is a different path right your body is what moves you from room to room it’s just a skin can you imagine if we had to be naked or something and everybody was just the more vulnerable because their bodies do you think with each other a little bit differently if you saw all of our adult ones do you know if you saw what was inside and outside and we knew it just buy something that you see – your aura maybe
Think about this, your body is just a skin that moved you from room to room. It is your mindset and what your heart feels that makes you a good person. How many believe that the life that you’re living today and this moment will protect your perhaps next life or where you go after this life I do. I think that I am a warrior in this life because I was a leader in my past life. From day one, I never had it easy not one bit. My biological father was abusive to my mother
My biological mother was a beautiful person… but she was lost in drug addiction and abusive relationship with my biological father. When I was born; they actually didn’t know that there was a complication going on with me .. she didnt seek advice because of how scared she was being a victim of domestic violence, she never asked for help in advance to prepare for my arrival. When I was born, I had to fly in a helicopter from Traverse City Michigan to Ann Arbor.. I was rushed in the intensive care unit so that my fighter mentality would spark… I was alone.. I was minutes old; and the doctors knew what to do. The first few months of my life, I was in an incubator one of those things that you have to use gloves just to touch me human touch and I look online and I see all of that.. my mind goes back in the hole.
I see the people that are my age, the 20s in the 30-year-olds that have these beautiful babies and they’re posting photos on social media with their celebration and I congratulate them but when I see my photos I’m just covered in wires and the things that are all of my body. only people who know me personally; will know what they are well fast forward to the present…. I went from full body braces in a wheelchair with doctors telling me that you will never walk ; this is just what you’re going to have to learn. I told myself no way, it doesn’t mean no; not today just means no ; not now I just need to put in my mindset … plant my own seeds you’re going to walk one day honey…… you’re going to move and dance and groove but you have to work for it
I wake up and I tell myself if you envision it it’s going to happen- I wake up and I look for these devices to get up into move. I wake up and I’m dependent like a ball and a chain just to move my body, do you know the feeling of your mental state when you know that you have to wake up and look for something else to move you around some people here that have to do that you’ll have to raise your hand. I see you I see the light maybe some of you broke a leg or you were in a wheelchair and you think you can relate to me, you’re trying and that means everything we all need to start
You’re trying to relate and you’re being empathetic and you have emotional intelligence because you experience something similar right now let’s go back to me this means nothing to me because I’m so happy that I can move my body without having to find a wheelchair and being bounded by barriers with doors and bathrooms and everything this doesn’t bother me but it bothers other people actually and I say that you know these didn’t have a healthy home right
Perseverance is when you move in the state of grace and I am moving like I’ve lived 1000 lives, I’m moving my body like I’m some angel living on earth with my wings that are invincible, I’ve traveled 36 countries and four years by myself and I’ve blessed people by being in their presence they think that I’m some type of gift that makes them have hope because they see that I’m able to collectively pull myself together
When I was in junior high school preteen, I was taking opioids to relieve my chronic pain. I would pass sitting in Spanish class reading books and to pack and discrimination in black and white and I’m thinking I can relate to every where are you staying it’s not because of the color of my skin is because how people treat me as a person with a disability. If that pink elephant in the room because were different, where inclusive, we’re diverse our bodies are not the usual
I would secretly put myself into a state of a coma because I could not feel acceptance or desirability with myself and what I look like and how people looked at me.
Young taking heavy drugs and I’m thinking this is not what my life is going to be like when I’m older, I started learning a skill which was graphic and website that’s a skill that I was 13 years old I persevered my problems in pain by using a scale that kept my mind busy and then I realize take that pill because I got on the Internet and I used to stay well day get on the phone purposely knocked me off the Internet when I’m trying to learn HTML my space days right
I would get on the Internet and teach myself HTML to keep my mind busy because it didn’t make me feel like I was in pain. When you have a physical disability you don’t need to take a pill to feel relief you need to come to terms with your body to have a conversation with your mind to say it is not pain, I don’t feel pain it’s just a mind game
Look at my hands their blood red if you look at the bone density scan there’s no calcium or Cartlidge in my rotors I have osteoporosis after menopause and 31 years old now as of last week
My life has been a blast in front of me so many times waking up in the middle of surgery overdosing in college car accident on the highway from falling asleep at the wheel, people trying to sell bottles at me at my old apartment complex my life has been flash so much that it makes me realize that I need to continue being the person I am today on a bigger scale it’s up to me to turn your mind into a place where it’s power where you feel
The reason that I say “I am the one” — the fallen angel whose been blessed on Earth… is because I’m continuously being confused by trauma I am being wrong in situations where anything is happening why is this happening to me have a nice day no. Doesn’t this show enough battle wounds to make me feel like a champion, is this how people ruled empires is this type of pain
Feeling unwanted when your baby because your biological parents could not keep their shit together… listen please; you have no clue if the person next to you with the person same. The real, just because it looks like you have everything you need in your shit is put together and you look fantastic, does it mean your whole life isn’t falling behind the scenes isn’t crumbling, who knows maybe that person you’re sitting in front of behind of they have that unwanted feeling and now we have to hold it together because they have people that would lie on that on the shoulders every day
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If you surround yourself by people who are like you also visionaries with big dreams, remember no dream is too big when you knock out that first goal you set those next calls I’m not planning for tomorrow I’m planning for next summer music festival season I’m planning for 2025 I’m planning for the things I friends joke that I’m going to be president and I like no thank you I’m going to build my empire on social media and inspire all of you by planting my own seat
