I’m going to be what I said out-to be!

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Sometimes I feel like Im staring at a mirror & I dont recognize my lifestyle. I feel like pieces of me are molding or shaping me into a better person. Every city, every experience, every memory — I’m living a lifestyle that I cant even explain or tell to other people.. It;s like having my own movie – dealing with the consequences and handling every obstacle like no other business.

I;n contemplating a full time position — which everyone knows I’ve been hustlin since I was 12 years old in Jackson — picking up client, from graphically designing business cards to notepads.

I can’t just settle on a job – there are many skeletons to follow the decision.
1. Health Insurance — Can I keep Medicaid – which covers 100& of my monthly medical bills/treatments
2. Do I have to work 40 hours? I need to be at the hospital or clinic or case worker’s office on a weekly basis! The system is so corrupted, that I am constantly faced with my medical supplies not shipping on time, or arrive badly condition – my box has been ripped open from the bottom so many times – punctured supplies!- There has to be some flexibility to allow my travel to the hospital & government offices.
3. Entrepreneurship — will I be forever giving up my current clients and evening paint sessions?! I’m a night owl — what I am going to do without my relax methods– I’m a female of energy..

I live in the DAY not the FUTURE. Stop stressing about tomorrow when you can enjoy TODAY

I swear I juggle a lifestyle that only Queens or Leaders will ever endure. Let’s be honest — I’m organized.. smart, creative and I run — this .. life.

Music is my savior — art is my life. I escape with my headphones in tack.. I just need dance.. just dance. I love moving my body because I can still remember 17 years ago when I couldn’t move anything – not my arms or legs. Everything was in lock – from a body brace to my legs.. from my neck and waist tied in a wheelchair.

I will dance until there is no tomorrow. I love going to the club, music FESTIESSSS, and concerts— yeahhhh! What better way to enjoy your life without thousands of individuals doing the same thing you are — dancing their problems away. United by music <3

I remembered everything.. your past cant escape you but it can change you. Become a better person that you ever imagined.. Make you do things you never thought possible. Push, Shove, Encourage.. I am this way for many reasons….

 

 

It might be safe to say that I will be under the knife again.. end of this month. I am already having nightmares about post-surgery operations. I am having some alterations revised on my internal organs; reconstruction to my bladder & stomach. My disease, sacral agenesis causes complications as I grow older so I have to seek treatment to control them.

You would think by the 13th surgery I would get useto what to expect. I am scared, shitless.  I had an awful nightmare last night that scared me outta my mind. My boyfriend was in the dream, he spoke with the doctor on what to expect after the surgery. But I cannot just imagine new organs doing different functions for the rest of my life. I am expecting a lot of pain when I get out.. There’s gonna be a new hole in my  body! Just right above my left hip.. it’s called a stoma. The entire process is a follow up to a bladder augmentation.. but I don’t want to explain all that — so just check into Google on the logistics. It;s gross.